Fables from the Hood - The Flamingo and the Fowl

The Flamingo was a very beautiful creature and it enjoyed being this beautiful. It was very envies of other beautiful creatures and always did it best to turn the heads of those whom she desired (or not desired - head turning was of importance).

The Fowl was rather undistinguishable from all the other birds but the Fowl had one thing that other Fowls didn’t: money. The Fowl wasn’t particularly attractive neither in a physical nor intellectual sense, so the Fowl had a hard time getting the attention of the Flamingo.

Until one day the Flamingo heard of the great wealth of the Fowl. This made the Flamingo turn its own head. The Flamingo immediately realised that she had a strong desire for the plain looking Fowl. Hesitation is not something the Flamingo is known for and before you could pluck a feather from a duck, the Fowl was being f*cked.

The Flamingo enjoyed the spoils of the Fowls financial abilities for quite some time but Flamingos do rarely change their stripes (especially since they don’t have any). It came as the tick of a clock, the Flamingo dumped the Fowl in a manner not unlike dumping a sack of potatoes. This left the Fowl to ponder the point of it all and the Flamingo pounce on the next best replacement.

The story could end here with everyone being friends and pretending to be happy. And that is what happened, unfortunately everyone was just pretending.

One day the Flamingo got wind of the fact that the Fowl had found a new squeeze. A pretty little thing that simple adored the Fowl and not because of his financial rather his humour. It was a match made in heaven, Cupid personally wielding the welder.

Flamingo was envies. Especially since she didn’t have a new squeeze … in fact she was currently holding the bag. Now one could imagine that some creatures would have the dignity and strength of character to wish the Fowl all the best. But that won’t make for a good story.

What does the Flamingo do? She decides to send the Fowl a little message. A message full of desire and fear of loss, the loss you feel when your desire is gone out of your life. The Fowl, possessing humour but not an ounce of cunning, is intrigued. The Fowl decides to start a conversation - another possible end of the story: The Fowl could simply have blocked the Flamingo.

One thing leads to another, details are left to the imagination of the reader. Before you know, the Flamingo and the Fowl are having an affair. The Fowls new squeeze knows nothing and will not know anything. The Fowl is flattered to be so admired. Something that rarely happens to Fowls.

An unfortunate truism of life is that conscience is something very powerful for creatures without cunning. The Fowl, having been convinced (and perhaps blinded) by the Flamingos rediscovered love for him, decides to squeeze his new squeeze out. Of course, the new squeeze took it well and everyone shall remain friends.

This brings us to a further possible junction to end this story. But no. No. This ending would also be far too simple and harmless.

The Flamingo having gotten what she wanted dumps the Fowl. Yes, the Flamingo did not in any way, shape or form rediscovery her love for the Fowl. The Fowl obviously at a lost of words is simply heart broken. Absolutely and completely.

Enter the Tortoise. The Tortoise is a wise old creature with many strange experiences (bordering on female witchcraft). The Flamingo develops a certain extended and drawn out desire for the Tortoise. The Tortoise being experienced in the ways of opposite sex, is more than a little sceptical. However a friendship develops and many a night is spent discussing the wheres, hows and whys of Flamingo courting ceremonies.

One day the Flamingo complains to the Tortoise about the Fowl constantly following her and desiring her attention. The Tortoise, unknowing of previous going ons, sides with the Flamingo and simply cannot understand these persistent advances of the Fowl.

These advance simply do not cease. Thankfully, the Fowl is a gentleman and no major incidents occur - the motto being: look but not touch.

One evening, the Flamingo admits that she does like being taken out to dinner by the Fowl. In fact, how else could she enjoy such exquisite cuisine? The Flamingo points out to the Tortoise this is completely fine and acceptable, however the Fowl should stop making these advance on her. The Fowl knows that she has no desire for him.

The Tortoise is taken aback. Suddenly the Fowls advances make somewhat more sense. The Tortoise even begins to feel sympathies for the Fowl.

More enquires are made and the Tortoise learns that the Flamingo hasn’t actually told the Fowl that she has no more desires for him. Why would she want to do that, she points out: he won’t want to take her out for dinners any longer.

Indeed thought the Tortoise, that would most probably happen. Surprised and a little weary of future conversations with the Flamingo, the Tortoise went into his shell.

One evening though (and now we come to the end of the story) the Flamingo and the Tortoise were back into a discussion of Flamingo courting ceremonies. In a fit of bad conscience the Flamingo tells the Tortoise the entire story of the Fowl and the Flamingo.

Justification? The Flamingo realised that she was being very jealous and mean towards the Fowl however he didn’t have to respond to her advances. So, in fact, he is at fault.

It takes two to court a Flamingo.